Body Insecurities: 3 OUTRAGEOUS Ways I Dealt With Mine

I know so many women struggle with their body image. I was no exception. Growing up, I had super insecurities with my body – namely that I was fat and my legs were ugly! Seriously people, I actually laugh out loud now when I remember how I believed these lies.

As a teenager, I did not participate in any sports that exposed my legs – as someone who enjoyed swimming as a young child. I was super self conscious going into a public pool that I would literally ask my sister or brothers  to walk with me to the pool and I’ll hand them the towel half way through into the pool to avoid revealing my legs.

I was so self-conscious of my legs that even through my 20s I would not wear shorts, skirts that would reveal my thighs or legs. And if I did, I will walk around uncomfortable all day!  I always complained but my mum got tired of reassuring me that I had beautiful legs. That my legs looked exactly like hers which I always complemented her – saying, why didn’t I get your legs etc.

But the truth is no amount of complements even when friends ( boys and girls) will complement my legs or body made any difference to how I felt deep down. Rather than accept the complements and thank who ever complemented me. I laughed it off and said something like ‘ you are just being nice’ etc.

My second insecurity was that I was fat! Like seriously, I remember in boarding school my close friends ended up teasing me about it. They tried so hard to make me see that I was one of the really slim girls in school at the time. For goodness sakes, I was a UK size 6! But somehow in my head, I was fat. So I joined many outdoor sports – good thing I enjoyed many sports from horse riding, rock climbing, running, hiking, swimming just name it. But still I had a vision in my head that did not align with my physical appearance.

My friends resulted in teasing me as all their affirmations did not seem to work, they decided to respond mockingly whenever I said I was too fat. They would say, yes – you are! I can see the fat on your nose! lol. This still cracks me up today!

So, in effect what am I saying? No amount of affirmative words helped me  until  I begin the journey of self-discovery and self -love.

As you have rightly guessed, I want to share with you 3 ways I over-came Body Insecurities.

1.   LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF

This is what we call self-discovery. By this I mean, digging deep into yourself to know why you are here and what you are destined  for – through this, I started searching ways I could  fulfil my purpose. Purpose in life can be very difficult to know but everyone of us, is made for a purpose. Some never find that out. A wise person said, there are two vital days in the life of a person. The day you are born and the day you find out why. My search for self discovery happened very early in my life actually.

I remember completing my studies and moving to London as most graduates do to join the rat race. My first job was in the heart of central London where all the magic happens (if I may say),  working for a top consulting firm within the legal and commercial department.

As a fresh graduate, I couldn’t ask for better. I had the dream job, something most of my peers envied. I worked on juicy Commercial and Corporate projects and was at the forefront of these commercial negotiations. In my field, a graduate never gets to experience these sort of exposures but I was the very lucky few. You would think these all made me happy.

But within 2-3 months of joining, as much as I enjoyed my job and excelled at it, I very quickly became deeply dissatisfied. I struggled to see a reason to keep going. You might say I was suffering from quarter-life crisis at the time and you won’t be far from the truth.

Although, my dissatisfaction was stirring me to self-discovery. I was unable to see that my entire purpose on this earth was to become well educated – I completed my undergraduate, Masters and Law school all before I turned 25!

I had accomplished what many struggled to achieve or took longer to achieve.  This was partly because as a young person, I knew very clearly in my head what I wanted to do and the career paths I wished to follow. And thanks to God, my parents were able to support me through all these, which was a huge blessing.

Why did I become  dissatisfied? One might wonder.

During this time of soul-searching, I leaned closer to know my Maker more. As I spent time in meditation of the bible and my prayer life, I begin knowing more and becoming more aligned to my  purpose.

The  void and emptiness began to slowly fade away. I began to grow knowing my anchor was in God and not myself or personal achievements and accomplishments. I became richer, joyful and fulfilled in myself and His purposes for me. The critical judgments I placed on myself started to fade away as I began to see that my  worth was in Him. I always leaned on this bible verse “Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails” – Proverbs 19:21.

2.   Love Yourself

As the saying goes – Self-love is not selfish; you cannot truly love another until you know how to love yourself which includes your body. This is exactly what I started to inculcate in my life. As I leaned more into God, His spirit revealed to me things about me that should be loved and cherished, including my body.  The aspects of myself that I had often overlooked when insecurity was at play. I started to appreciate my body; my looks and the value system I’ve learnt from my parents.

I started to appreciate  all the beauties in my childhood and the sacrifices our parents made for us. It became clear in seeing the wisdom in the things God was teaching me and why  counter-cultural views were not only special BUT vital and should be cherished. I started to set boundaries in my life and the people I allowed into my space. I began to see that not everyone will agree with my principles but what was important was that I knew they were right for me. And when the time came, the right people will value and appreciate it. I started to see ‘NO’ as not rejection but an opportunity to explore other avenues or better still, it was not the time. It is important to say, if the door is shut, it means 3 things –

• Not for me
• Wait ( not passive but active)
• Something better in coming.

I began to appreciate little things in life like;

• practicing gratitude to God and to others
• showing appreciation for things no matter now small and learning the act of ‘thankfulness’
• saying thank you to people.

I also realised that a  smile and soft words go a long way in building good relations. I started giving and serving others, from this I gained satisfaction. In doing so, I began  looking after myself  by;

• taking myself on a date to a fancy bar or restaurant.
• goofing around with friends
• Enjoying going to watch a movie or theatre alone;
• reading books alone;
• cooking great meals for myself.

I started exploring myself through studying my body, what it likes or doesn’t. How it responds to certain matters or don’t. When I am in need for a pamper session; a spa day; a massage; a facial; treating myself and friends to these things. Buying myself good gifts for meeting a personal target.

I started setting goals and plans for where I would like to see myself in 2-5 years; 5-10 years etc. Thinking about retirements and what type of life I want to have and start building towards this now. I invested in personal development books and courses and more especially, how I can help the next person achieve their goals. This blog was borne out of a place to share with the world my experiences and perhaps, help someone or put a smile on someone’s face.  I found these to be very fulfilling and also time consuming that I had very little time left to be insecure or self-conscious. My life became a mission and series of little goals that there was no room to have a pity party!

3.   Be Generous

The more I practice generosity the more I had every reason to smile. Giving is such a game changer, if you are not already doing this – try to!  Being generous is not only with money, honestly, this is not hard to do if you have it. The biggest form of generosity I find is with my TIME.

As I became  more rounded in my life, my day filled up before it had began spilling into other days and weeks ahead. I struggled to make time for people.  I had to challenge myself to visit an old friend or go shopping for someone; check up on people I know through text or phone call; visit homeless shelters to help serve food and cook. Spend time with those less able to. Visit people in Hospital who are ill ( if invited) – offer to cook and take care of someone. And give financially to causes close to your heart. Help your local community and churches – these are just a few ways one can give.

These 3 ways radically changed my life and insecurity became a thing of the past.  Of course, not all of them will apply to you but I encourage you to dig deep and find the ways you can seek to manage your insecurity.

Also, if you find that you are still struggling, please see professional help. There is no shame in mental health disorder and as we do physically become unwell and see a doctor, so should we for mental illness. I sort professional help when life was extremely challenging and I struggled to cope. This is a post for another day, but for now, I leave you with this – Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we’ll ever do! 

Until next time, continue to love your body, grow and develop – we never stop learning.

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Lots of Love,

C xx